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- How do you get the bathroom unlocked in a hurry?
With a doo-key.
- What did one piece of toilet paper say to another?
“I’m feeling really wiped.”
- I need to buy a new toilet bowl.
The one I have is full.
- What do women and toilet paper have in common?
They both deal with a lot of crap.
- Have you seen the movie Diarrhea?
It leaked, so they had to release it early.
- Wanna hear a poop joke?
Nah, they always stink.
- The person who originally said,
“Laughter is the best medicine,” clearly never had diarrhea.
- Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom.
- Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
To look for Pooh!
- What do you call a planet that poops?
- What did one toilet say to the other?
“You look flushed.”
- What do cows call poop?
- Why does Piglet always smell bad?
Because he plays with Pooh.
- What’s the difference between good and bad toilet paper?
One is terrible, and one is tearable.
- People who tell you they’re constipated are full of crap.
- Children are like farts.
Your own are just about bearable, but everyone else’s are horrendous.
- Why did the man bring toilet paper to the party?
He’s a party pooper.
- I like toilets for two reasons.
Number one and number two.
- What did the bottle of conditioner do to the toilet?
- What’s big, brown, and behind the wall?
- Two rolls of toilet paper walked into a bar.
One rolled out.
- How do you say “fart” in German?
- If pooping is the call of nature…
Is farting like a missed call?
- Why did the lady stop telling poop jokes?
Everyone told her that they stink.
- Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks.
- Poop jokes aren’t my favorite.
But they’re a solid number two.
- Love is like a fart.
If you have to force it, it’s probably crap.
- You never really appreciate what you’ve got until it’s gone.
Toilet paper is a good example.
- What’s the definition of surprise?
A fart with a lump in it.
- Which movie is always the worst of the trilogy?
The turd one.
- What’s brown and firm?
The Brown Family Law Firm.
- Poop is a crap palindrome.
- What did you get when you mix castor oil with holy water?
A religious movement.
- Where do bees go to the bathroom?
The BP station.
- Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary?
It runs in your genes.
- Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the “p” is silent.
- What’s your favorite cartoon?
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turdles.
- I bought a toilet brush yesterday, but I’ve gotta say…
I prefer toilet paper.
- What do you get when you combine a Sham-Wow and a Snuggie?
A reason to pee in your pants.
- People say love is the best feeling ever.
But I think finding a toilet when you’re having diarrhea is better.
- How do you make a house made of dung smell better?
- When does Denzel Washington have to hang out with the Rugrats?
Potty Training Day.
- What do you call a magical poop?
- Customer: “Waiter, what’s this fly doing in my soup?”
- What’s the best snack to eat while watching a movie that stinks?
- What is a piece of poop’s favorite dance move?
Poopin’ and locking.
- When is the best time to go to the restroom?
- I ate four cans of alphabet soup yesterday.
Then I had the biggest vowel movement ever.
- Have you seen the new movie, Constipated?
It hasn’t come out yet.
- Wanna hear a poop joke?
Nevermind. It’s too corny.
- Why doesn’t Chuck Norris ever flush the toilet?
He scares the poop out of it.
- Why don’t people take their phones into the bathroom?
They don’t want to give away their IP address.
- What did Spock find in the Enterprise toilet?
The Captain’s Log.
- What’s a surfer’s second greatest fear?
A shart attack.
- Do clown farts smell funny?
- When Queen Elizabeth farts, is it considered a noble gas?
- What’s brown and sounds like a bell?
- How do you help a man with constipation?
You pull the sh*t out of him.
- What do you call a bathroom superhero?
- What do you get when you poop in your overalls?
- Why is the toilet a good place for a nap?
It’s in the restroom.
- Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
It got stuck in a crack.
- Why did the chicken cross the road?
The chicken next to him farted.
- What does Superman call his bathroom?
The Super bowl.
- Stop making me laugh.
You’ll make me puma pants.
- What did the fast-food worker say to the toilet?
“Did you order a number two? I have one ready for you.”
- Parent’s truth:
The further you are from the bathroom, the more urgently your kid needs to poop.
- What do special effects designers call bowel movements?
They’re called 3-D farts.
- What did one toilet paper say to the next?
“You’re on a roll!”
- My love for you is like diarrhea.
I can’t hold it in.
- What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
- It helps me stay in touch with my inner self.
- What is a fart?
A lonely cry from an abandoned turd.
- What do you call a fairy in the bathroom?
- Did you hear about the constipated composer?
He had problems with his last movement.
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